I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
