I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
