Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
