ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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