ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
