It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
