Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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