I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
