We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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