Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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