I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
