She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
