a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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