Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
