Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
