I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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