Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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