I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
