I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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