he puts the penis in happiness.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
