Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
