i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
