in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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