Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You left your phone here
Wait...
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