they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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