he wants to bone in the snuggie
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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