Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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