I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
