I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
