Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Never underestimate the power of titties
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
