i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
