Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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