There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
