I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
