left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
