apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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