I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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