I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
