is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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