I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
