Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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