I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
