very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm bleeding and have questions
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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