i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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