Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
