We won't sleep together?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
