My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
