I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
