I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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