she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
